Be Careful What You Wish For
by Lucillia
Summary: Fugaku gets one of the things he's wanted for the longest time, and realizes he's come out the worse in the bargain ("Damn you Sarutobi!"). Not only does he have to deal with his clan and a suspicious village that isn't ready to let bygones be bygones after only five years, but there's also some time travelers whose carefully laid plans have just been shot to hell running around...
1. Would you?

Fugaku frowned. He wasn't having the best of days that day, and the Hokage's summons had been entirely unexpected. Sighing, he set his paperwork aside and got up to go and see what the old man who hadn't spoken to him outside of meetings involving the village's Clan Heads for at least a year wanted now. The walk to the Hokage's office was full of the cold stares and suspicious glares that had become the norm over the last five years.

When he arrived at the Hokage's office, it was to find himself standing there in an increasingly uncomfortable silence that had stretched out for about five minutes as the Hokage looked at him as if he'd never seen him before.

"Tell me Fugaku," the Sandaime Hokage, whose father Fugaku had named his second son after in better times, said finally breaking the seemingly interminable silence that'd had Fugaku near snapping. "If you absolutely had to choose someone right now, is there anyone who can take your place as Chief of Police?"

The question both threw Fugaku and disturbed him.

"No!" Fugaku exclaimed, wondering if he was answering the question or refusing to allow even this to be taken from him the way the site of his previous home which had been his father's home before his, and his grandfather's home before that had been taken when the Uchiha District had been moved from the devastated city center to the outer reaches of the village, back behind everything and as close to the ass end of nowhere as you could get in Konoha.

"If you needed to find a replacement Clan Head right now," the Hokage said, not reacting to the vehemence of Fugaku's reply. "Is there one amongst the Uchiha who could do the job without being challenged by others in the clan who feel they could do far better than the Clan Head you selected?"

He couldn't know about...He couldn't. They'd been careful. They'd guarded their whispers in hidden places behind privacy seals. All there had been were words, but...

"A great deal of disturbing information has come to my attention." The Hokage said, seeming to take Fugaku's shocked, fearful, and above all, worried silence as an answer.

Fugaku tensed, readying to fight for...For what? The Hokage was old, too old for the hat he wore, and he might get lucky. But, if he did get lucky, he wouldn't make it out of the Administration Complex alive and the village would turn on his unprepared clan. Sure, there had been whispers, resolution that some sort of action must be taken to take back the village that the Uchiha had founded, but there was no concrete plan, no path to victory that he could yet see. Especially now, unprepared and on the fly.

"I had a choice between leaving well enough alone and letting my unwitting informants toss their little pebbles in the pond, tossing a few pebbles in the pond myself alongside those my informants are tossing in, or tossing a massive rock in the pond, destroying the previous pattern, and sending a tsunami crashing towards the far shore." the Hokage continued, seemingly unaware of Fugaku's inner debate, and utterly puzzling the man who stood before his desk in the position of subordinate though it chafed at him. Especially now when he was almost certain that he was soon to be executed for treason so the failing Hokage could make a show of strength, possibly using him as a scapegoat for the Kyuubi attack whose perpetrator had as of yet not been found.

"I have opted to try for the third choice, which will likely irritate my informants to no end when all their carefully laid plans go spinning into the dung heap. My informants have been growing too complacent, and that complacency will trip them up in the long run, resulting in the destruction of Konoha. Quite likely far sooner than my informants who're trying to play it safe to maintain their supposed advantage would've anticipated. What you decide today will determine whether or not my rock will land in the pond or simply fall at my feet." the Hokage said, drawing Fugaku out of his inner musings.

"And, exactly what is that supposed to mean?" Fugaku asked in the almost cold tone that the Uchiha used with outsiders, doing his best to keep any of the fear he was feeling for himself, his family and the future of his clan out of his voice.

"Tell me," the Hokage said, seemingly ignoring Fugaku's somewhat impertinent question. "What is the state of the Senju clan in Konoha right now?"

"They're all over the village, married into every clan including my own, and have their fingers in just about every pie." Fugaku replied, not even bothering to keep his contempt for the clan who had made the Uchiha second class citizens in their own village out of his voice.

"They don't have the Hokage's hat." the Sandaime pointed out, looking amused for some reason.

"They just as good as!" Fugaku exclaimed. "They chose you and they trained you."

"Tell me Fugaku," the Hokage said, seemingly ignoring his outburst. "Who is the Senju Clan Head?"

Fugaku thought on this a moment, wracking his brains for an answer that he feared he'd forgotten. He feared making a mistake which would make him look like an idiot, but he also realized that the silence was stretching out too long, which would also make him look stupid should he wait long enough for Sarutobi to answer the question.

"They...They don't have one." Fugaku finally hazarded.

Based on the look the Hokage gave him, Fugaku could tell that he had hit upon the right answer, which had opened the door for a number of questions to crowd into Fugaku's mind as he wondered exactly how a clan as great as the Senju could function without a Clan Head without...

"It is no coincidence that I'm not the Head of the Sarutobi clan, and that both candidates that I considered for my replacement when I retired nearly seven years ago were clanless orphans. One of whom was a confirmed bachelor." the Hokage said mildly. "After seeing what happened to the Senju because my predecessors were Hokage, I had decided to never ask a Clan Head to take up this position."

Fugaku barely bit back a snide comment regarding how one of the candidates for Yondaime had been the Sandaime's student, and the other had been a student's student and that his choice for successor would've always included nepotism of some sort or another. Something of what the Hokage had said was starting to sink in, and the implications were...disturbing to the man who had valued his clan most of all as clan and family were one and the same to him.

"You have often lamented over the fact that the Uchiha weren't given a place in the upper echelons of the village government." the Hokage said, looking older than his sixty-one years as he said it. "Would you take the position you desire, knowing that in doing so you leave chaos in your wake as your clan wanders Headless without someone strong enough to take your place? Knowing that your clan could lose cohesion and become just as scattered as the Senju and become what the Senju are today, a clump of somewhat distant families who often happen to share the same name, and just as often don't?"

Fugaku was taken aback by that question. Could he take the reins of power at the potential cost of the clan he had been raised to be loyal to since birth? Would the price of such a thing be so high? Why could he not be Clan Head, Chief of Police, and a leading voice in the village? Would the village even allow it considering their growing distrust of the Uchiha who had followed orders and led them to safety when they had longed to join the fight against the Kyuubi alongside their fellow shinobi? Could he crush anyone who spoke out against him given whatever position the Hokage was offering to hand him? A position that couldn't possibly be...No, it wasn't. The Hokage was most likely offering a spot on that "Council of Advisors" of his between his two teammates and that asshat Shimura who he was almost certain had been behind the Uchiha's exile to the village hinterlands. One voice in four, most often drowned out by the rest who were known to side with the Shimura in most matters these days.

"I'm going to put my hat on my desk and leave." the Hokage said, breaking Fugaku's train of thought before he could tell the old man what he could do with the "honor" he was offering him. "If you think you can do as Minato did and make the entire village your clan, or at the very least, follow Hashirama's and Tobirama's examples and place village before all else including Family and Clan, pick up the hat. Otherwise, leave the hat on my desk, and this conversation never happened."

"You have five minutes to decide." the Hokage said as he stood up from the desk, set his hat down, and left the room.

* * *

"You can't do this!" Koharu exclaimed the second the Hokage stepped out into the hall where she and the rest of the council were waiting. "The Uchiha..."

"Haven't betrayed us just yet." the Hokage finished. "Besides, I now know who the traitor amongst them is, and he will be dealt with when the time comes."

"But still..." Homura said.

"Do you know why Hashirama wanted Madara to be the Shodai Hokage?" Sarutobi Hiruzen who was tired, and old, and wanted to be able to set down the burden he'd carried for so long while there was life still in him asked. "It was because Madara had nothing holding him in place. He was lost, drifting, alone and angry much like the Uchiha are now, and there was nothing to tie him down to the village. Because there was nothing tying him down, he betrayed us."

"Just as the Uchiha will do if you give them half a chance!" Danzo exclaimed, looking at his old friend as if he thought he was an idiot.

"I'm not half so stupid as you think me Danzo." the Sandaime said. "I also refuse to see history repeat itself."

"So, you think that handing the hat to the Uchiha will fix things?" Danzo practically sneered.

"Giving the Uchiha the hat will force them to become invested, because it's ' _their village_ '." the Sandaime replied. "The more invested they become, the tighter the entanglements that tie them to the village become. Eventually, those entanglements will enmesh them so tightly that they would be unable to break away, and betraying the village by, say taking it over for instance, would cut the throats of the Uchiha as well.

"And, if he doesn't react the way you believe he will?" Danzo asked, looking almost smugly certain that he'd be right. Quite possibly because of the hand signal he got from one of his little subordinates.

"Then, I shall ask one of the Uchiha's remaining allies to take the position and request that the man or woman place members of a list of trustworthy Uchiha I've gathered in positions of authority." the Hokage simply replied.

* * *

Fugaku looked at the hat that rested on the Hokage's desk in the exact same spot where the Hokage had set it down well over four minutes earlier. He'd immediately snatched the hat off of the Hokage's desk the second the door closed behind the old man and had started concocting platitudes that he was certain would convince the old fool that he was full of the "Will of fire" like Minato and the Hokage's old teachers. But, as time ticked by and the wait grew longer, other thoughts entered his head. Thoughts he had wished hadn't, considering the fact that a prize just about everyone coveted had been handed to him on a silver platter.

As he'd held the hat, and sat in the Hokage's chair in order to test it out and figure out which would be the coolest position to be in when the old man entered the room and found the hat in his hand or possibly on his head, he found that the pictures of the previous Hokages were in perfect positions to look down on him. The old man who'd retired and then retook the hat when he should've given it to someone else considering the circling vultures who'd spotted his weakness and took advantage of it every day, Minato who had given his life for the village during the Kyuubi attack which may or may not have been partially his fault depending on one's point of view, Hashirama, the legendary Head of the Senju who had founded the village alongside Madara, and Tobirama, his brother and co-head of the Senju who had been instrumental in making the Uchiha second-class citizens in their own home when they should've been at the top of the heap alongside...

But, the Senju were Headless now, weren't they? In the meetings for the village Clan Heads, there was nobody to stand for the Senju who just...existed. Despite being one of the two Founding Clans, the Senju didn't carry themselves like a great Shinobi clan. In fact, most of the Senju were civilians.

Could he do the same to the Uchiha?

Could he take the hat and leave them Headless?

He was Clan Head both because of his lineage and because he was pretty much the strongest amongst the survivors of his generation. Those who stood stronger and wiser than him now were just children. All under the age of twenty. If he gave the position to one of those children, nobody in the clan would give them the chance to lead.

The clan would be in utter chaos as Uchiha who previously knew they didn't stand a chance tried to take and fill his position.

Then, there was the police.

While he could temporarily hand his title of Chief of Police to another, and had done in the past when he was incapacitated due to illness or injury and temporarily unable to work, there was not yet anyone who could take the position permanently that the other officers would be willing to listen to. He had been planning to pass the position down to whichever of his sons had shown the most interest, as the position had been passed down to him, along with an unexpected Headship which should've gone to his now dead older brother.

Without someone acting as Chief of Police, the KMPF would fall into disorder. If the Police were in disarray, the village would jump on that weakness, get their own back for generations of arrests, and fall into chaos itself in doing so.

He could fill all three positions...

If he sacrificed any and all sleep and gave up on seeing his family again. Clan Head duties included paperwork and the occasional meeting of Clan Heads as well as mediation between members of his clan when there was conflict, meaning he was constantly on-call even if the paperwork was done in under six hours per week. Duties as Chief of Police were far more intensive and covered the same number of hours as a full-time job and then some. Being Hokage was also more than a full-time job if he wanted to be effective, and the Hokage was also on-call 24/7 since he couldn't make excuses like "I need sleep" should there be a major crisis.

No.

Even though the position was being handed to him on a silver platter, now would not be a good time to become Hokage. If he did so, he would spend every waking moment putting out fires in his Clan, the police force, and the village as a whole, and be pulled from his sleep to do it some more.

He could try cracking down on everybody with and iron fist, but then he would have to do so constantly without letting up once, because the second he did so, many who resented him for doing so would do what they could to get back at him. If they didn't become outright rebellious while he was cracking down on them and do everything they could to either passive-agressively defy him or assassinate him outright.

No. That was no way to lead a ninja village.

That way led to trouble. Such as the trouble that Kirigakure was dealing with.

Gritting his teeth, Fugaku came to the decision to do what he needed to for his clan and the village as a whole before he lost the courage and let his greed as well as the wants of generations of Uchiha take over.

Fugaku wiped his fingerprints off of the Hokage's hat with his sleeve and set it down on the Hokage's desk in the same exact position it had been when the Hokage had laid it there. And, with bare moments to spare, he got up from the Hokage's chair, moved it back into its former position, and moved back to where he'd been standing when the Hokage had left, doing his best to wipe all emotion from his expression before the Sandaime who should've stayed retired returned.

At five minutes on the dot, the door to the Hokage's office opened and the Hokage entered. There was an odd smile on the old man's face as he made his way to the desk where the hat sat looking as if it had never once been moved. The old man picked up the hat, and in a move that was too quick for Fugaku to see without his Sharingan activated, the old man shunshined behind him. Fugaku turned and, before he could fully face the old man ready for whatever attack the Professor might launch at him, he felt something land on his head.

"Congratulations Godaime." the Sandaime said with a smile as Fugaku moved to remove whatever the hell it had been that had been dropped on his head.

"Wha...Bu-But, I _can't_." Fugaku said, stammering for the first time in years, certainly not since Mikoto's Uzumaki friend who never failed to make his brain break quit coming around near as often as she used to.

"Yes," the Hokage said as Fugaku reached up and pulled off the hat, ready to give it back to the old man he'd been convinced should've given it away, preferrably to him, only minutes earlier "We really do have much to discuss regarding how the transfer should be handled considering your other responsibilities."

"But, I chose not to." Fugaku said as he held out the hat to the old man who categorically refused to take it from him, feeling strangely irritated that his choice was being ignored and he wasn't being listened to in this matter, considering exactly what this matter was.

"Which is why you're Godaime." the Hokage replied. "Did you honestly think I would give the position to a man who was willing to throw his family away for power?"

"But, the Senju..." Fugaku started, wondering how or even if he should express his fears over the path that his clan would end up following should he become Hokage.

"Ah, yes. The Senju." the Sandaime said. "While it is true that neither Hashirama nor Tobirama had time to take up their duties as Clan Head after they'd been made Hokage and other arrangements had to be made to work around this, it had been Hashirama's final wish that the Senju would fully integrate with the village. The Senju decided to honor that wish, basically disbanded so they could be villagers rather than a separate clan, and haven't named a Clan Head since their co-Head had passed on."

In that moment, Fugaku dearly wished he could strangle the old man standing in front of him. He couldn't if he wanted to live long enough to go home and see his son though. The transfer wasn't complete, and he hadn't officially been named Hokage, which meant the old man still was, and that all troops still answered to him and would kill his murderer.


	2. The Sandaime's Announcement

Fugaku still wasn't having a good day. Well, technically it was night now, meaning that he'd missed dinner and had left a number of other responsibilities he'd only expected to be postponed for about an hour tops hanging for several hours. This meant that he wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight as he tried to catch up. Yet again doing so on hastily wolfed down cold leftovers as was increasingly commonly the case these days as tensions within the clan shot sky high, forcing him to deal with squabbling relatives at odd hours on top of the usual.

Before today, he'd figured that, should it ever come to pass, the day he'd be named Hokage would be one of the absolute best days of his life, right up there with the day he got married and the births of his sons. But no, the minute he decides that he in fact does not want to be named Hokage since it was probably the worst thing that could possibly happen to his clan and the village as a whole, he is named the Godaime. The Sandaime wouldn't take no for an answer, and held him back for hours so they could figure out what the hell could be done about Fugaku's other responsibilities, which took precedence over being Hokage as far as he was concerned. Especially since he could very well see that nightmare scenario the Hokage fed him regarding the Senju actually happening to the Uchiha should he become Godaime.

Unfortunately, as it would seem, the Sandaime had gone behind his back, and everything had pretty much been arranged pending the results of the Hokage's little test. How the hell the Fire Country Daimyo had managed to keep things under wraps considering he was surrounded at all hours by guards and courtiers who tended to gossip like fishwives, he didn't know.

Long story short, Fugaku couldn't refuse the position without insulting the Daimyo upon whose good favor Konoha depended for survival. Which meant that he had been backed into a corner regarding the position that the old Sarutobi bastard had known he'd refuse when he'd laid those cards onto the table. A position he'd only been given _because_ he'd refused.

Anyone and everyone, especially those within his own clan, would think him insane for not wanting to be Hokage, but the truth was, now that he saw the potential consequences which had been outlined by the Sandaime who wouldn't allow him to refuse the "honor" he'd been given, he DID NOT WANT TO BE HOKAGE. Which, now that he thought about it, was probably precicely why Sarutobi, whose bastard father he'd named his younger son after, had done what he did in the way he did it. The old man had probably pulled a similar stunt on both Orochimaru and Minato and named the one who jumped the way he wanted them to like a trained monkey his successor.

The second he got home, the still fuming over his unwanted appointment to the position of Hokage, Fugaku headed straight to his office and shut the door as hard as one could shut a shoji without breaking it. Which wasn't all that hard really. And, it didn't make a satisfying slam the way the door to his office at the KMPF station did. Mikoto, being the wonderful wife that she was, had laid out the paperwork that had been brought to his place by one of the officers and a plate of something that wouldn't taste utterly disgusting cold before heading off to wherever it was she was now. Possibly visiting that sick relative he'd vaguely remembered hearing her mention that morning.

He felt that there was something amiss as he got his start on the paperwork that had piled up after he'd left for the Hokage Tower that afternoon, which had been brought to his home rather than unceremoniously dumped in his office where what he'd been working on when he'd been summoned to the Hokage's office was likely still sitting on his desk considering what he'd done to the last Uchiha stupid enough to grab stuff off his desk. After a while, he realized what it was. There was someone on his roof. There was someone hiding on his roof. There was someone hiding on his goddamn roof despite what he'd told his clan would happen to anyone he found up there who wasn't Itachi or Sasuke or Mikoto up there to fetch one or both of the two.

Growling, Fugaku snapped his brush in half knowing he'd regret it later considering it was part of an expensive quality set which had been given as a wedding present, threw it down uncaring of the ink that had just gotten swiped across the now-ruined report he'd been about to sign off on, and stalked out of his office prepared to give the idiot on his roof what for. When he got up there, it was to find an ANBU sitting there as if he was guarding the roof for whatever reason, despite the fact that the only way any ANBU would have any right to be in the Uchiha compound were if they were a Uchiha. Had it been the Hatake up there, he would've strangled the boy. Consequences be damned.

As he inhaled, preparing to give the guy who'd just volunteered to be his stress ball this evening a good yelling at followed by a brutal ass kicking, the ANBU stood, turned to face him, then knelt before him. "Godaime-sama" the man said, actual respect strangely tingeing his tone. Respect the likes of which Fugaku had rarely heard from outsiders in the five years since the Kyuubi attack.

Oh. Right. He was Hokage. Which meant that there was going to be ANBU crawling all over his home and following him Everywhere. The only upside to this was that once the inauguration happened after the announcements were made tomorrow morning, he would be able to choose his ANBU. Which meant, that it would be his choice regarding who would be pretending they hadn't actually followed him to the toilet and then hung around in the ceiling while he did his business.

Sighing, Fugaku turned and walked off, deciding to deal with the problem by pretending it didn't exist. Going back inside, he headed back to his office, slammed the shoji as forcefully as he could, wincing at the splintering crack of the delicate wooden frame and the sound of the rending of rice paper that signaled yet another expense he didn't need, stormed over to his paperwork, sat down, and then got to work.

He was awoken around dawn by the angry yells of his normally quiet and mild-mannered wife. Ungluing his face from a letter that would need to be re-written because the part that hadn't been drooled on was a smeared mess thanks to the untimely application of his face, he got up and went to see what the matter was. Whatever it was, it wasn't _Urgent_ , considering the fact that his wife was yelling and crashing around in the kitchen rather than quietly killing the problem before it started making noise that would wake her precious boys up before breakfast was ready. Well, Sasuke rather, since Itachi, who'd just made Chunin, was out on a mission.

"Fugaku!" Mikoto yelled as she nearly brained the ANBU who was scurrying about her kitchen with a frying pan. "The next time you see the Hokage, try and get him to do something about the surveillance on the Compound. It's getting frankly ridiculous! They're coming into the houses now!"

"I'll be sure to do that." Fugaku replied noncommitally in-case the nightmare of the day before had just been a nightmare provided by his overactive subconscious which had been turning the plight of his clan and their position - or rather lack thereof - in the village over and over in his mind every which way for years now.

Unfortunately for Fugaku's hopes that the day before had been a nightmare in which he'd been offered the position of Hokage, refused it, and then had it forced upon him when he realized that he actually didn't want it since he was already where he needed to be, Mikoto's frying pan sailed over the head of the ANBU when the man knelt before him and murmured a slightly less than reverent "Hokage-sama".

The frying pan in Mikoto's hand clattered to the floor, and her Sharingan went up to a level she never advertised, considering that to do so would reveal that her eyesight was less than perfect. That Sharingan, which could kill him despite the fact that he had and hid similar, was directed at him.

"What did you DO?!" Mikoto yelled.

"Nothing." Fugaku replied, being careful not to activate his Sharingan since his wife could take it the wrong way and slaughter him in the mood she was in, which likely had something to do with the ANBU doing his job a little to well and popping into the kitchen to test the food to make sure the Godaime wasn't being poisoned by his wife. "Apparently, the Hokage decided to sort out the whole _Uchiha Isue_ by retiring,handing me the hat, and dumping every problem in the village, including us, into my lap at the precise moment I realized I didn't want it."

"Didn't want it?" Mikoto asked, looking like she was half a millisecond from calling bullshit, but deactivating her Mangekyo. A Mangekyo whose acquisition Fugaku never asked about since he was pretty sure he didn't want to know the answer.

"I realized what could happen to the clan if I was too busy in the Hokage's office and unable to lead us. There's nobody who could effectively replace me without starting a power struggle that would effectively fracture us." Fugaku replied. "There's also what would happen to the police if I left without a replacement whose orders the officers will listen to, and that _other_ issue regarding that _individual_ whose identity is still uncertain. Now would be the absolute worst time for me to become Hokage."

" _Sage_." Mikoto swore as the implications of what Fugaku being Hokage meant started to sink in. "What are we going to do?!"

"I don't know." Fugaku replied honestly. "I've been backed into a corner, and I have no choice but to take the position."

"Well, the first thing we should do," Mikoto said after a long silence in which the light on the rice cooker changed indicating the rice was ready "Is to get you cleaned up. You can't set foot outside with ink all over your face. That would not make a good first impression."

* * *

Iruka sighed as he picked up the messy mud covered blond who'd somehow managed to knock over a rain barrel and turn the street which was just packed dirt at this point in time into something that resembled a pig's wallow. Not for the first time, and surely for what wouldn't be the last time, Iruka found himself longing for the paved roads of Future Konoha.

Even though he'd spent most of his time in Konoha as an Instructor and an Administrative Desk Chunin, and then later as the Head of Konoha's ninja Academy, he had not expected to outlive Naruto, much less Naruto's son, and his grandson. Shiranui Genma, who had been one of Naruto's father's guards, had been even older than him by seven years, and Ebisu was older than him by six.

Despite the hope that the peace would last forever, peace only came to the ninja world in fits and starts. All of the major countries may have cooperated and signed treaties that would've had them basically slitting their own throats should they start a war, but there were always super strong, insanely powerful individuals and unaffiliated groups who were determined to create conflict no matter the cost.

Naruto, who had done an admirable job hiding the fact that carrying the Kyuubi still weakened him in the long run despite his and Kurama's rapport and the concomitant change in the Kyuubi's Chakra, had been killed by one such individual when his children were still in their teens. Konoha had been destroyed once again, and had been forced to rebuild once again after Boruto had defeated the threat. Konohamaru had stood as Hachidaime and Sarada as Kyudaime in an era that looked to be one of potentially lasting peace. Boruto and ChoCho's son had been shaping up to be a fine ninja at the re-re-re-rebuilt Ninja Academy, and he'd been preparing to retire for good when the final tragedy which had had its roots in the here and now and been completely overshadowed by far more pressing matters had struck, destroying just about everything once more. This time in a more permanent manner than the last several near world-ending cataclysms.

Konohamaru had wanted to go back and fix things, but he couldn't be there with them because he'd been all of a year old at this point and wouldn't have been able to handle the memories of his future self which his infant brain wouldn't have been able to process.

It was pretty much up to him, Genma who'd been absolutely pissed about losing four active and three retired Hokages on his watch, and Ebisu who was there because he'd survived the cataclysm against everything that was coming. The problem was, aside from the fact that they had to move very conservatively in order to not lose the advantage of their foreknowledge, none of them could just stand back and do nothing for Naruto this time around no matter how hard they'd tried to do so in order to direct Naruto along the path he needed to follow to save the world and preserve the best parts of the timeline and give Naruto the full and long life he should've had. Naruto was just as magnetic as a small child as he would grow up to be, and none of them knew how they'd resisted the pull that dragged even the strongest and greatest of the world's shinobi in before.

The easing of the isolation which had been a major force in shaping Naruto into the great Hokage he'd become was beginning to get worrisome. First of all, it was easing at a far greater degree than they had anticipated, because people who had previously been neutral towards the boy were taking more of a positive attitude towards him since they could see that they wouldn't be alone in doing so. That, and _who_ was starting to hang around the boy was creating a great deal of stress for the three.

It would seem that, upon seeing that Shiranui Genma - former bodyguard to the Yondaime Hokage - was interacting with Naruto with no ill effect, such as assassins from Iwa jumping out of dark corners trying to kill the boy, those amongst the Yondaime's _lesser acquaintances_ who didn't blame the boy for the Yondaime's death had decided that it would be safe to interact with the boy as well. Shinobi who had previously done an admirable job of hiding Naruto's _other_ secret were now patting the child on the head and occasionally giving him small treats and trinkets rather than completely avoiding him so he couldn't be tracked back to them, and through them, to his father Namikaze Minato. The sheer amount of potentially dangerous ninja equipment that Iruka and Ebisu had been forced to confiscate from Naruto after such brief visits was utterly mind-boggling, and Iruka was constantly afraid that Naruto would somehow manage to set off an explosive tag while he wasn't there to stop him.

All it would take would be one slip at the absolute wrong time, and things would become a hundred times more dangerous for both the now mud-covered boy and the plans of the three time travelers who were trying to fix the world so it would last beyond Naruto's grandchildren's generation.

Waving off the assistance of the Eternal Genin Maruboshi Kosuke, who had served under the Ni, San, Yon, Go, and Rokodaime Hokages and had amazingly lived long enough to see the Nanadaime's Inauguration all while remaining a Genin, Iruka carried Naruto back into his apartment where the boy had stayed under guard the previous night while he, Genma and Ebisu tried to figure out what was going on with the village-wide announcement that the Hokage had announced would be taking place today. None of them remembered any such announcement having been made in the past. But, then again, today was nearly fifty years ago for them. The announcement could've simply been something that had slipped their minds in the intervening decades since today.

Expertly stripping the filthy rags that had been a reasonably adequate set of play clothes only an hour ago off of the small boy, Iruka carried Naruto towards the bathroom for what would be his second shower that morning.

"Should I be worried that there's a naked boy in an apartment containing a mostly-grown teenager and two full grown men?" a casual sounding voice that had an oddly menacing edge to it asked when Iruka had nearly reached his small apartment's bathroom.

Recognizing the voice as belonging to that of the future Rokudaime who'd died well before he could come back to the past with the rest of the team, Iruka marginally relaxed.

"Two grown men?" Iruka asked. "So, who's out getting breakfast before the announcement, Shiranui or Ebisu?"

This was not the response that the Hatake had been expecting. Considering the fact that the first people to befriend Naruto in the small boy's short life had been adult and nearly adult males, it was understandable that the Hatake,who was far more protective of the Uzumaki than he let on, would have certain _suspicions_. Catching the youngest, and therefore presumably the weakest link of the three, off guard was a good way to see if his suspicions would be confirmed or not. After all, the youngest would presumably not have as much experience covering up certain actions as his older peers, and would have a number of tells that the Hatake would be able to read with that Sharingan of his like an open book. The tells of the now young Hatake whom Iruka had grown to be very familiar with over their long acquaintance with Naruto showed that the reply that Iruka had given which had shown absolutely no guilt or nervousness whatsoever, since there was no guilt to be had in regards to this matter and Iruka had long since learned to conceal his nervousness from those little Academy brutes who could smell blood in the water from a mile away and exploit it, had thrown the Hatake for a loop.

"Can you help me keep Naruto in the shower?" Iruka asked, using a tone that sounded as if he found nothing the least bit odd about the fact that Hatake Kakashi, who he would not meet until next year, was in his apartment, which he was sure would further throw the young man who he had several reasons to get revenge against, including those Chunin Exams that he'd told the man not to enter Naruto into. "He tends to escape, and I don't want muddy handprints and footprints everywhere."

Kakashi, who had followed Iruka to make sure there was no funny business soon discovered exactly why giving Naruto a shower when he wasn't in the mood for one damn near required a full squad and could almost be counted as a B-Ranked mission in and of itself. The eventful incident which had involved Naruto climbing over the shower stall, leaping over both men and nearly escaping the bathroom several times had kept both men on their toes despite the fact that Iruka had nearly fifty years experience keeping children in line and making sure they behaved long enough to get the ninja basics drilled into their little heads, and Kakashi was an A-Ranked ninja at this point. Eventually, Naruto was deemed sufficiently clean, and he was caught and shucked into clothes before he could run out the door naked. Kakashi had even thoughtfully used a Doton jutsu to clean up Naruto's "mud puddle" so they wouldn't have to go through the ordeal a second time and end up late to the Hokage's important announcement.

Eventually, despite the fact that there had been an interesting adventure involving a black cat which had caused the Hatake to say "So that's why Obito would go the long way around...", the three of them, Iruka, Kakashi, and a Squirming Naruto who had grown bored with riding on Iruka's shoulders reached the plaza outside of the Hokage tower where a great deal of the Konoha citizenry were gathered only a few minutes late from the looks of it. The Hokage was already in the middle of whatever the announcement was when Iruka and Kakashi had gone to join the pale looking Genma who was furiously gnawing on his senbon and the slack-jawed Ebisu.

"...Once again assure you all that this candidate has been very _thoroughly_ vetted." the Sandaime was saying. "And, without further ado, I will introduce your Godaime Hokage..."

Wait. WHAT?

A dark haired man in a familiar modified shinobi uniform stepped out onto the balcony from whence the Hokage was making his announcement.

"...Uchiha Fugaku." the Sandaime said, moving aside for the man so he could stand front and center on the balcony and possibly address the crowd.

Genma came within a millisecond of swallowing his senbon. Ebisu looked like he was using every technique available to overcome Genjutsu. Iruka, well Iruka did something he hadn't done since he was younger than his body was now.

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" he screamed.


	3. Uchiha Stuff

While Fugaku had been expecting an outburst from someone who'd lost family during the Kyuubi attack and refused to believe that he'd had absolutely nothing to do with it and hadn't been trying to cover for who did, the outburst from the Kyuubi Orphan Umino Iruka didn't run anywhere near to what he'd been expecting. First of all, it had consisted of only one word, and not the usual rant he'd overheard enough times that he'd had almost all variants of it memorized verbatim. Rather than following up the one-word outburst with an impassioned speech about exactly why Uchiha Fugaku should never be Hokage - which Fugaku himself would likely agree with at several points - Umino Iruka handed Kushina's son over to the Hatake boy who was treating the Shiranui kid who'd finally managed to stab his tongue with a senbon, walked over to the nearest tree, and proceeded to pound his head against it repeating his one-word diatribe with each blow.

This ended up being the only outburst following the Sandaime's announcement. Everyone, it seemed, was so utterly captivated by the Umino's outburst and frankly utterly bizarre behavior that didn't fit the pattern expected of an outburst from a grieving relative of one or more victims of the Kyuubi attack, and so preoccupied with trying to figure out the exact meaning behind this bizarre demonstration that there were no further outbursts from those whose lives and families had been affected by the Kyuubi attack that had targeted him and his clan when looking for someone to blame for it all. Nor was there the massive protest he'd been expecting following the announcement of his appointment to the position of Hokage considering the treatment he and his fellow Uchiha had been receiving over the past five years since the Kyuubi attack. Treatment that had made Madara's words prior to his departure and Izuna's words prior to Konoha's founding far more popular than they used to be as more and more hotheads amongst the clan and even he himself for a time had joined the lot who believed that the Uchiha were deliberately being marginalized in the village they had helped found.

Odds were that the protests and demonstrations would be coming later when Umino Iruka wasn't around to hold everyone's attention by performing some bit of puzzling street theater that left everyone scratching their heads as they tried to decipher the meaning behind it all. But, since the protests hadn't happened _now_ when the announcement was made and he was presented to the public for the first time under the title of Hokage, they wouldn't have anywhere near the impact they would've had if they'd been made in near unison during the announcement that he'd been chosen as Namikaze Minato's successor. Things would've been **_bad_** if that had happened. If it had seemed that those against him becoming Godaime Hokage had been a unified group, a unified front rather than a scattering of individuals with various grievances against him that were either real, completely misdirected to the wrong target, or imagined, it would've emboldened his enemies who would've happily fanned the flames of this conflict gotten his opponents to do everything they could to undermine him. But since there was no unified looking front, the situation remained one of scattered individuals who would look to each-other to see who would have the courage to make the first move against the Godaime Hokage knowing few people if anybody would back them up unless they were highly successful.

As Fugaku was musing on how things could've gone far worse than they had during the announcement of his appointment, the Sandaime made a throat clearing noise at his shoulder, startling the Uchiha and reminding him how and why the Sandaime had been Hokage at his age in the first place considering the fact that the Sarutobi had managed to sneak up on him without him noticing at all despite the fact that he kept half an eye and half an ear out at all times, even when he was preoccupied, and could've killed Fugaku in his moment of inattentiveness if that had been his intention.

"There is a small matter I feel we should discuss as soon as possible." the Sandime said, pretending not to notice the utter startlement that Fugaku was in the process of covering up.

"What is it?" Fugaku asked, almost dreading the answer considering the fact that none of the "small matters" that the Sandaime had brought up over the last twenty-four hours had been the least bit small from Fugaku's perspective.

"In order to prevent certain elements from gaining control of Uzumaki Naruto, I made him a Ward of the Hokage." the Sandaime replied. "Since Naruto is a ward of the Hokage rather than my personal ward, whoever has the position of Hokage automatically becomes his guardian until such a time as he either graduates the Ninja Academy or reaches the age of Majority, whichever comes first. As Naruto's guardian, you will have to make periodic in-person checks of Naruto's welfare and personally sign off on matters regarding such things as the boy's education and training as well as any and all other decisions a guardian is responsible for."

Fugaku noted the usage of the Uzumaki child's given name in the Sandaime's statement, but didn't comment. Apparently, the Hokage had grown attached. Too attached. This usage of Kushina's brat's given name also probably served as a warning that, should anything happen to Uzumaki Kushina's spawn, Sarutobi Hiruzen would personally come gunning for him.

"Which brings me to another matter," the Sandaime continued. "Shimura Danzo. While he is an admirable shinobi who has the village's best interests at heart, and frequently does what he feels is best for Konoha, he should never be allowed to be in charge of Naruto's training. Considering what both Senju Mito and Uzumaki Kushina have told me about being Jinchuriki, Danzo's usual training methods would be detrimental at best, and utterly disastrous at worst in regards to Naruto."

"I see." Fugaku said noncommittally. He'd encountered one or two of Danzo's lot over the years, so he had at least some idea of what the Shimura's "usual" training consisted of. He also knew that there was a big difference between "feels is best for Konoha" and what actually was best for Konoha, so this served as a double warning, since the Hokage was telling him without telling him that at least one and most likely several of Danzo's actions was going to swing around and bite him in the ass rather than the old idiot who'd gotten the ball rolling.

"Come to think of it, it would probably be best to introduce you and Naruto as soon as possible so you two can get to know each-other before you get bogged down in all of the minutiae of your job." the Sandaime who was now no-longer Hokage said.

* * *

The Ino-Shika-Cho trio sat in a pub near the Tower listening to people complain about the Sandaime's choice of successor.

"Troublesome." Nara Shikaku muttered as he looked at his drink, mentally debating on whether or not he wanted to pick it up.

"THE HOKAGE'S GONE INSANE!" one of the pub's already well lubricated patrons yelled.

Chouza and Inoichi sat there looking like they were having mental debates over what to do about the statement that had come from a civilian. On the one hand, they agreed with the man at the moment. On the other, they were too loyal to say what that civilian had said _aloud_.

"Not insane," Shikaku muttered from his spot where he was leaning his head on the bar looking at his drink despite the fact that it was only his second of the day. "Crazy like a fox."

Everyone in earshot turned their attention to Shikaku. When a Nara decided something was important enough to talk about, people listened. The Nara were utterly brilliant strategists. And, fortunately for the rest of the world, too damned lazy to do all that much unless they absolutely had to, which meant that the one clan who actually could be very successful at it never bothered with World Conquest. One of the things the Nara were frequently too lazy to do was speak, which meant that if a Nara was speaking, it was Important.

Shikaku sighed. "Troublesome" he muttered. Unfortunately, those whose attention he grabbed were waiting for further elaboration on his point regarding the Hokage.

"Based on the Uchiha's reaction to the treatment of them following the Kyuubi attack, the Kyuubi attack hadn't been sanctioned by their clan, and they deeply resent it being suggested that they had done such." Shikaku said as if he were talking to people who were far simpler than him. Which he was.

"Considering the fact that the traitor amongst the Uchiha who had unleashed the Kyuubi has not been brought forward, one could reasonably assume either A) the Yondaime had fatally injured the traitor in their fight, and the traitor crawled off and died elsewhere unseen and unfound and unaccounted for considering the fact that all Uchiha _Shinobi_ were accounted for that night,B) the traitor managed to conceal themselves for a short time, using their relative anonymity as yet another Uchiha, before being killed on an unrelated mission where they couldn't call on the Kyuubi as backup, which means that the Uchiha Clan will never find the traitor and still have no idea who they are, C) Uchiha Fugaku himself is the culprit,was acting unilaterally,and has since been using his positions in the clan to turn the investigation away from himself, D) there is a Uchiha that the Uchiha and therefore the village do not know about and it was this unknown Uchiha who was born outside of the village that was responsible for the Kyuubi attack on Konoha, which they had absolutely no loyalty to in the first place having been born elsewhere, or E) One of the Uchiha who has been listed as KIA is actually alive and they were behind the Kyuubi attack for an unknown purpose that could involve anything from them having been driven insane during the ordeal they'd survived to them being an off the books tool for any number of parties up to and including Orochimaru or possibly even the Uchiha Clan Head who is acting unilaterally towards an unknown purpose that could not possibly have been to become Hokage, considering he would always be one of the first people suspicion would turn to in this matter on the grounds that he is a direct descendant of Uchiha Madara's brother." Shikaku explained, causing just about every conversation in the pub to silence as they focused on what he was saying.

"A and B seem to be the most likely scenarios in this matter, with the traitor in question likely being a long-retired Uchiha who may have learned the secret of controlling the Kyuubi directly from Uchiha Madara himself, or the offspring of such. C is exceedingly unlikely with nearly zero chance of it being true since I cannot fathom a reason for why Fugaku would set the Kyuubi on Konoha. Especially when he's smart enough to know full well that suspicion would fall squarely on his shoulders because he is the Head of the Uchiha Clan and just about the closest thing that Uchiha Madara has to a direct descendant. D and E are rather unlikely but possible and raise several questions regarding exactly who the actual enemy behind the attack is as well. Whether another village,or an individual who has a grudge against Konoha or is simply seeking power." Shikaku continued, drawing the crowd further in.

"By naming Uchiha Fugaku Godaime,the Sandaime has conveyed the message to the Uchiha clan who have grown resentful of the treatment against them and begun to take their resentment out on the villagers that he is willing to believe the clan is innocent despite the fact that the singular traitor who had been in their midst, whoever they are, remains undiscovered. Because the Uchiha Clan is now so heavily invested in the village, their resentment which would've only grown in the future cannot result in a Coup, because the Uchiha would then be committing a coup against themselves, since their Clan Head is the Hokage. This neatly gives the Uchiha what they've claimed they've wanted for generations while simultaneously neutralizing them due to the fact that an attack against the village leadership would be an attack against themselves on the grounds that it would leave them without a Clan Head, which would then spark a power struggle as members of the clan try to fill the position and others try to take it from them. Essentially taking the Uchiha out of the game as the clan fractures into groups following various 'heads'." Shikaku continued, saying more in the last few minutes than he normally said in a month outside of reports to the Hokage, and even when giving those, he tended to keep them to as few words as possible.

"In the exceedingly unlikely event that C is true, or the even unlikelier event that Fugaku is the unknown party behind E, naming him Hokage essentially boxes him in." Shikaku said, sparking startlement in the crowd that was paying attention to him far more intently than he was comfortable with. "As Hokage, he absolutely cannot unleash the Kyuubi on Konoha a second time. Doing so would weaken the village that he is in charge of and therefore responsible for on his watch, causing his name to be the one that goes down in history as the one responsible for the destruction of Konoha. Should he regain control of the Kyuubi to use against our enemies, doing so will not only reveal exactly who is actually in control of it, but also how it is done, giving us a chance to develop an effective method for neutralizing such control in the future and preventing another Kyuubi attack on Konoha."

"Like I said," Shikaku concluded his speech which'd had the bar patrons hanging on every word by the end of it. "Crazy like a fox."

Jaws dropped when Shikaku's summary of why making Uchiha Fugaku the Godaime Hokage was one of the Sandaime's more brilliant ideas which he'd actually composed on the fly and made up as he went along finally processed. All talk of the Sandaime being either senile or insane immediately ceased, and speculation regarding who the traitor amongst the Uchiha was began to be fired up. One of the top candidates, was a possible illegitimate son or the offspring of such of Uchiha Madara who'd been conceived outside the village since folks were "sure they would know if they'd gone on missions with the person responsible for the Kyuubi attack".

Shikaku kept what he actually knew about the whole situation regarding Uchiha Fugaku's appointment to the position of Hokage silent. He had gathered that the Hokage had indeed been "Crazy like a fox" when he'd named Uchiha Fugaku Godaime Hokage, but it had been for reasons that Shikaku had gathered were S-ranked secrets that he shouldn't have been privy to, much less anyone else. That bit of fluff about the Uchiha that he put out would probably be enough for the civilians who couldn't grasp all of the levels on which the Sandaime had been either utterly brilliant or completely reckless to the point of endangerment in regards to Konoha's future, and could never know though. Based on the looks on the faces of a number of Shinobi in the bar who should've known better, some ninja had lapped it all up as well rather than asked him for the real story which Shikaku could not give.

Sure, he was about 99.7% certain that the Uchiha Clan had been innocent in the matter of the Kyuubi attack, but he was also about 99.53% certain that their innocence had absolutely nothing to do with why the Sandaime had named Fugaku Godaime. Especially considering that up until recently, the Sandaime had been following most of the recommendations from his Council regarding the handling of the Uchiha who had been barreling headlong towards a Coup.

* * *

When the Sandaime and the newly appointed Godaime finally found Naruto, he was coming out of an arts and crafts supply store heavily laden down with several bags. Before Fugaku could ask the brat where he thought he was going with what looked like a massive stock of pranking supplies and where he had gotten the money to purchase his little stockpile, one of the oldest surviving members of the Uchiha clan walked up to the boy, relieved him of his burden, smiled, and handed the boy some money before walking off with what looked like several bags of paint and craft feathers.

 _Oh God, NOOOOOOOOOOOO!_ Fugaku thought when he processed what he'd just seen. The Uchiha had only just begun to live _**THAT**_ down. The current generations of even the Uchiha knew nothing of _**IT**_ , and even he wouldn't have known if he weren't Clan Head and therefore tasked with preventing a repeat of the Founding Afterparty.

"Excuse me Hiruzen-sa-san, but can we postpone this meeting until later, there's an important Clan matter I need to tend to." Fugaku said as he prepared to go after the Uchiha who had been amongst those who'd surrendered to the Senju prior to the founding of Konoha and relieve him of his burden before he made it back to the Uchiha Compound where the sale of feathers and certain kinds of paint was carefully regulated.

"If the Clan Matter is the one that I think it is," the Sandaime said, looking like he was trying to hold back a laugh. "I have a feeling that it will sort itself out. The younger generations of the Uchiha are too proud to do such things, your generation and the one prior to yours are old enough to know better, and I seriously doubt he and the rest of the surviving members of the Founding Generation would actually go through with it at their ages."

Conceding the point since he knew how puffed up with pride the kiddies were and how the adults'd had "Proper" Uchiha behavior drilled into their heads to the point that they were almost afraid to breathe wrong outside their homes, Fugaku decided to let the matter drop. About the only Uchiha he knew who'd be willing to go that far to re-create the Founding Afterparty had been dead for several years, and the only piece of him still in the village was that eye which had been rumored to have infected the Hatake with its previous owner's bad habits. Allowing the elderly Uchiha to escape with his prize and think he'd gotten away with something for a little while, Fugaku followed the lead of the man who was now his predecessor and headed over to where Kushina's spawn was located.

Looking at the small brightly smiling boy who held several coins in his clenched fist from a much closer distance than he'd previously allowed himself considering the fact that it was in the best interests of the Uchiha to avoid the brat in order to ward off certain _rumors_ , he could categorically state that the Uzumaki child was Kushina's spawn in every way that counted. Sure, the kid had Namikaze Minato's coloring and a few facial features that could arguably be considered to have belonged to Minato, but the bone structure, the overall looks, and the way the child held himself was pure Kushina.

"Hey old man!" Kushina's spawn yelled as he leapt on the Hokage the instant the Hokage had gotten within six feet of him.

"Hello Naruto." the Sandaime said fondly, as he gently pried the child off of him with hands that had once been used to literally rip a man apart and just as gently set the boy down on the ground. "There's someone I'd like you to meet."

Naruto looked up at Fugaku. The boy's eyes widened in surprise. "Shit! It's the Red Eyes!" the boy yelled before turning around and running off at a pretty respectable speed that a Chunin would be hard pressed to keep up with. The boy called out a betrayed sounding "You promised not to turn me in for that Old Man!" over his shoulder as he disappeared around the corner.

"Maybe I should've waited until your robes arrived before I made the introduction." the Hokage mused as he gave Fugaku's usual uniform which he'd worn to the announcement that he was Godaime since he couldn't see anything in his wardrobe that had screamed Hokage before he'd remembered that the Yondaime used to run around in his old Jounin uniform with a haori thrown over it an amused glance.

Rolling his eyes, Fugaku turned and went after Kushina's brat. While the five year-old boy may have been running at a speed that a Chunin might have a hard time with, he was a _Jounin_.

Well, Kage technically.

In the end, it took nearly an hour and had seriously taxed a number of skills that had been earned over decades of police work, but Fugaku eventually found the Uzumaki who had somehow managed to wedge himself into a storm drain. Kushina's spawn, who was utterly filthy at this point, was eventually pulled out of his hiding spot by several nearby shinobi who were giving him some odd looks but also following his orders without complaint and a very suspicious looking Shiranui Genma.

Introductions were made. Kushina's spawn had initially seemed upset that the "Old Man" wouldn't be coming around to check up on him every month, but when the Sandaime had told Naruto that he would be having alot more free time now that he wasn't Hokage anymore and that Naruto would be allowed to visit him any time, and that there would be someone new visiting him every month, Kushina's spawn's mood did a complete 180.

Fugaku barely put certain instincts regarding people flying at him in check in time to keep himself from harming the small creature that had latched onto him speaking too fast for him to figure out exactly what it was saying. The only reward he got for this herculean effort was a filthy vest and a pair of streaks of the gods only knew what on his neck from where Kushina's spawn had wrapped his arms around him as some of the muck that the Uzumaki brat had gotten all over himself had rubbed off onto him.


	4. Mischief Night

Fugaku groaned as he dragged himself into the Hokage's office where the Sandaime would be waiting to teach him the proper method for putting out fires and filing paperwork as Hokage. Because he'd rather stupidly allowed that fool of a Sandaime talk him out of going after a certain clan elder who had been laden with bags of paint and feathers and let the old man go yesterday rather than decisively nipping things in the bud, the first crisis he would be dealing with as Hokage was his own clan. The coffee and aspirin he'd had for breakfast was doing absolutely nothing for his hangover, and because the only thing he'd been able to stomach for breakfast this morning had been coffee and some aspirin, he was in a worse mood than usual. Woe betide anyone who crossed him before he was feeling halfway human and the jackass with the sledgehammer found something better to do than beat doubletime every time anything brighter than a candle across the room hit his eyes.

The first inkling Fugaku had that there was trouble had been when he'd been awoken at three in the goddamn morning while he was still drunk and wanted nothing more than to sleep it off. It turned out that the individual who'd awoken him had been one of those ANBU brats who didn't officially exist and wouldn't take "fuck off and come back at a reasonable hour" for an answer.

Apparently, "Danzo-sama" really wanted to know why there was a naked Uchiha who was covered in paint and had feathers braided into his hair giving him a pressed ham in the wee hours of the morning. Not even bothering to come up with a realistic excuse, Fugaku had informed the brat that it was a "Uchiha luck ritual", told him to "tell Danzo he's welcome by the way" and rolled over and went back to sleep.

It was only when he was more fully awake when the sun was up in the sky leaking light through the blinds that his wife had so thoughtfully drawn for him and setting the jackass with the sledgehammer to work that Fugaku had fully realized that he had utterly failed in his duties as Clan Head. _**THAT**_ had happened. There had been a repeat of the Founding Afterparty on _**his**_ watch. Three generations of vigilance and he goes and ruins it all by being the first Clan Head since Madara to allow things to get _**that**_ out of hand.

Sure, the party celebrating his ascension to Godaime had been a little wilder than the usual parties amongst the Uchiha who had so rarely been given cause to celebrate these days, but he hadn't realized that it would get _**THAT**_ wild. He had thought his clan more restrained. Especially now in this time where they had to set an _example_ for everyone else as one of the Founding clans of Konoha, and were reminded of this fact daily.

The party had been rather hastily prepared since his clan had next to no warning, but the Uchiha had learned to be quick at everything, including setting up impromptu parties. The village, which wasn't in quite as much of a partying mood as the clan, had been practically raided for supplies as Uchiha descended upon the main shopping district like a swarm of fire-breathing locusts, snapping up everything from paper plates and bunting to mini sausages and kegs of beer.

The fireworks that had started before it was even properly dark had been fun, as had the quickly arranged games that had been set up for the children. There had been a little more alcohol than usual flowing since the clan hadn't coordinated and just about everyone had thought to grab booze to make sure there was some. He'd had more drinks in one evening than he usually did in a month since everyone it had seemed had wanted to buy him a drink, and he couldn't refuse, not then. Stupidly trusting the Sandaime's assessment and his own clan members whom he'd thought were better behaved than they actually were, he had staggered home around midnight, and crawled into bed rather than watching, and carefully counting the number of Uchiha who were running about in the streets of the district which had taken on a carnival atmosphere in order to make sure that _preparations_ weren't being made...

Everything had led to this however. Him sitting in the Hokage's office, in the Hokage's chair, wearing the Hokage's hat along with the uniform that symbolized the fact that he was responsible for Law and Order in the village helplessly watching the utter magnitude of his failure grow increasingly apparent every hour as report after report came in.

He was already learning to dread hearing the words "Hokage-sama". Especially when said title was directed at him. Him whom they were looking to for answers. Him whom they expected to fix everything.

* * *

Uchiha Tekka groaned as something crawled across him yelling "Mom! Mom! Mom!". Blinking at the blue pattern that had been painted on his arm and wondering how it got there, he heard a voice growl "Buzz off Kiba!".

The memories started flooding in. The memories of the ancient elder who had been an adult when the village had been founded sixty-one years ago. The secret of the ancient Uchiha tradition he and his generation amongst others had been let in on. The fun he and his friends who'd been just as buzzed as he had been at that point had had painting each-other and braiding feathers into each-other's hair. Sure, the feathers were store-bought and dyed in odd neon colors - predominantly orange - rather than the traditional gathered hawk feathers, and the paint was store bought and in colors not found in nature and not hand-prepared woad, but it was the thought that counted. Right?

He'd gone to do one of the Traditional prank raids on the Inuzuka, and things had not gone to plan. Really not gone to plan.

The utterly brilliant prank he had been pulling when he'd been captured lay unfinished, and Inuzuka Tsume's youngest was crawling all over him because he was in Tsume's bed.

On the whole, he could say that things had gone way better than they could've gone when he'd been caught.

* * *

Itachi, recognizing the signs of mild poisoning and calculating that he had hours before his situation became urgent, wondered exactly how and when he'd been poisoned as he leaned over the roof he was on and vomited. He'd come back from his mission a little early, and when he'd returned to the compound, he'd been swept up by his older cousin and best friend Shisui who had informed him that his father had been named Hokage while he was away before dragging him to a corner of the district-wide party in celebration of his father's ascension. It was in this corner of the party, where he was allowed to try alcohol for the first time - actually encouraged to since it was a very special day - that he'd learned of an ancient Uchiha tradition.

Happily stripping out of his clothes, selecting a sunny yellow paint, and barely holding still long enough for Shisui to braid a bunch of neon green feathers in his hair, Itachi waited until he'd be released to follow his clan's ancient tradition. He'd known exactly where he'd go the second the ancient elder had finished explaining things to him.

He'd somehow fallen asleep during his vigil, quite possibly because of whatever he'd been poisoned with, but a quick check after he was done vomiting had shown that his target hadn't yet awoken and set off the surprise while he was passed out. Carefully backing out of view of the window, moving as conservatively as possible since each movement set his head to pounding, as did all of that godawful sunlight, and the noises of Konoha below, Itachi waited, deciding that he would go to the hospital only after he had witnessed the results of his work.

Finally...

The screams as that sadistic proctor for the First Phase of the Chunin Exams crawled out of bed and discovered the first of Itachi's non-lethal traps were absolutely glorious...Watching, he could see why so many amongst his clan fell prey to the Curse of Vengeance.

* * *

Shisui grinned at his pint-sized partners in chaos who were curled up under the tree he'd found himself under, still fast asleep. Mikoto had asked him to look after little Sasuke because Itachi was still on a mission at the time she'd asked, and she'd wanted to participate in the party more fully than she would've been able to if she'd had Sasuke in tow. Shisui, who was content to run around with sparklers like the kiddies, had agreed to watch Sasuke.

If Shisui had known that _this_ was what they had been talking about when the Clan Elders had been going on and on about following Tradition, he would've paid far more attention years ago. As the evening had progressed, word of mouth had spread that one of the oldest of the Clan Elders would be sharing a bit of forgotten wisdom on this, the night of the First Uchiha Hokage's ascension. Deciding to pay his respects to the Elder early and be done with it so he could get back to the party, he and Sasuke and Itachi whom he'd encountered on the way had been among the first to learn of a tradition that the clan had tried to keep buried during the years since the founding of the village.

Gladly helping Itachi and Sasuke with their paint and feathers, and having been helped in turn, he had made his preparations, sent up a prayer to the Kami of trickster foxes, and set out with Sasuke while Itachi ran off to complete his Noble Quest of Vengeance alone.

It had been while he was out and about with Sasuke trying to decide where to go and what to do that he'd run into the third member of their group who had been covered in mud and leaves, likely in accordance with Senju tradition. Having seen the five year-old Uzumaki in action, Shisui swore never to underestimate him again. Give that kid some explosive tags and other things rather than a bucket of glitter glue, and there would be one very dead enemy at his feet before said enemy could even register surprise.

The Uzumaki now however was cutely curled up with Itachi's little brother. Shisui wished he had a camera to capture this moment, because it was the cutest thing ever.

* * *

Uchiha Izumi smiled as she saw the end result of the efforts she and the children who had joined her in this her noble quest had undertaken. This their noble quest had ended in absolute victory against their supposedly indomitable foe.

Around her, the Academy aged children of the clan were in varying states of consciousness. After learning the value of tradition from the most ancient of Clan Elders last night, they had discovered a valuable lesson about both family and teamwork and exactly why it was a bad idea to go it alone. All good things that were highly valued in the village of Konoha.

Their joint efforts had led to an absolutely wonderous result that none of them could've done individually. A result none of them had believed they'd ever see considering what had happened when each one of them had tried the same on their own, and how they'd each been told that such a thing would never happen no matter how hard they tried because measures had been put in place to prevent such a thing long before they were born.

Getting up, she could categorically state that despite the Chakra Exhaustion, she did indeed have the energy to dance upon the ashes of Konoha's Ninja Academy once more. Laughing, she once again sang "Schoooooool's out for-ever!". Those with her who were still awake smiled and joined her, doing little dances they'd invented on the spot while chorusing "No more pencils! No more books! No more teacher's dirty looks!"

As they were dancing a brown haired ninja with a scar on his nose who looked to be about fifteen years old walked up, took one look at the ruins of the Academy, one look at the naked Uchiha children who were covered in paint and had feathers braided into their hair who were dancing in the ruins of said Academy, turned around and walked off muttering "...Told them for years that they'd been neglecting the fireproofing seals, but they told me I was worrying too much. Said that it would take over two dozen Uchiha firing Katon jutsu for three hours straight to..."

Whatever else the boy had said was lost as he turned the corner and walked out of sight into the early morning sunlight.

* * *

Tora was not having a good morning. Not at all. He'd escaped the smothering embrace of Madam Shijimi once more the night before only to find himself running smack into a bunch of juvenile Red Eyes who'd apparently been waiting for him to do just that.

Rather than trying to catch him, they'd chased him, and chased him, and chased him all through the night and into the day. They'd chased him through trees. They'd chased him through mud. They'd chased him into a river and back out again. They'd chased him into a kennel and chased him some more when he escaped, driving him through every unpleasant place he could think of while avoiding harm to themselves.

The next time he saw his owner, he was going to put up with any number of smothering hugs if only to keep himself safe from the Red Eyes.

* * *

Utatane Koharu yawned as she headed into the Tower in order to have words with the Godaime regarding the behavior of certain drunken members of his clan. She had been woken up at two-thirty in the morning by the presence of a stranger who turned out to have been a Uchiha. A naked, paint covered Uchiha who had pressed himself against her bedroom window sunny side up. Rather than giving the scream that the young idiot who couldn't have been older than thirty had likely been expecting, since she'd seen it all before and in more places than her two idiot teammates who'd gotten oddly shy when she'd charged into their tent while they were dressing after they'd hit puberty, Koharu had opened her window and said "I'll give you a Four for your performance. I'd give you a Six, but certain aspects of the presentation were rather...disappointingly small."

Apparently forgetting the lesson that a ninja who insults you always, always, always had ulterior motives, the young Uchiha at the window had reacted to the disparagement of his manhood in the exact manner that Koharu had predicted he would. Not even thinking about the very laws the Uchiha were tasked with upholding and what doing such would give her leave to do, the young man had charged through her open window and into her home as expected, his Sharingan ablaze but his reflexes dulled by the copious amounts of alcohol he'd consumed earlier.

The second the young Uchiha entered her home, she showed him exactly why she still wasn't on the list of retired ninja despite her sixty-one years, as well as a number of the lessons she had learned over the long years of her association with Shimura Danzo's former teammate Kagami whom she had even dated at one point. Once she had finished delivering her lesson, she had dragged the unconscious Uchiha to the outside trash, pitched him in, and went back to bed in order to get a few more hours of sleep before she made her way to the Tower to speak with the Head of his clan about the young man's utter stupidity and apparent lack of proper training since she was certain the moron who'd woken her up would be out for at least that long.

Koharu got up bright and early - after the sun was up for sure - as was her routine. After showering, dressing, and preparing herself a cup of tea, she went out to briefly check on the Uchiha whose breathing indicated that he was sleeping it off in her trash. Thus ready for her day, Koharu left her home and made her way to the Tower where the Godaime Hokage had better be waiting if he knew what was good for him since Konoha couldn't afford to have a Hokage who slept the day away, even after a party of epic proportions. Which the Uchiha's party obviously hadn't been considering the fact that the village wasn't in ruins and people weren't running about putting fires and water out and chasing the trees back into the forest.

If the Sandaime had to come into the office early after the party at the end of the First War which had nearly done to Konoha what the enemy had not, then the Godaime would have to come in now after his piddling inaugueration celebration.

As Koharu approached the Hokage Tower/Administration Complex, she spotted Homura coming in from a different direction despite the fact that she distinctly recalled him stating that he would be spending today with his family.

"A couple of drunken Uchiha wandered into my back garden." Mitokado Homura explained before she could ask.

Koharu winced in sympathy for those poor poor Uchiha.

"I figured that our new Hokage might want to sign the Get Well Soon card since they're his family." Homura said.

* * *

Danzo showed no outward expression of emotion as he ordered several ROOT trainees to clean the outside of his house and set the grounds surrounding it to rights. In addition to performing their exceedingly primitive luck ritual on every window of his house, the Uchiha had lit a bonfire in his garden using his patio furniture, his back deck and some of the house's siding as fuel and performed a dance not seen in Konoha since the Founding while consuming alcohol and a number of other substances whose nature he hadn't inquired into in a manner that they likely believed would help them better commune with nature.

After performing this ritualistic, intoxicant fueled dance which had obviously returned the Uchiha to a more animalistic state, a number of Uchiha had marked his front door and a number of other areas on his property as their territory before fertilizing his potted plants, some of which they had missed, leaving droppings on his front porch and near where his back deck had been.

He'd told Sarutobi time and time again that the Uchiha were savages, and not only did the man not listen to him, he had named their leader Hokage. The village would be lucky if it was still standing a week from now.

* * *

"They were found where with WHAT?!" exclaimed the newly appointed Godaime who was dearly wishing that the entire week had just been one long bad dream and that he'd wake up in a world that made sense soon.

The Sandaime who quietly stood to the side ready to assist him should he ask it since it was the Godaime's first full day as Hokage looked too amused for the Godaime's tastes. It was bad enough that he'd obviously failed as Clan Head and allowed a repeat of _**THAT**_ to happen, but he was getting his nose rubbed in it again and again in his position as Hokage. He still had absolutely no idea how the village would respect the police again after the events of last night. His clan, which was almost the entirety of Konoha's police force had not only run amok breaking laws left, right and center the night before, but they had done it all while being completely naked, as the paint and the feathers didn't count as clothing according to a decency ordinance that had been created by the Nidaime.

As Fugaku was taking reports that were now arriving three at a time regarding the actions of members of his clan who had been up to a great deal of mischief, most of it involving property destruction, one of the secretaries came in with paperwork that the Sandaime had assured him was perfectly normal which was then piled on top of the paperwork that had been generated by the actions of his inebriated clan. It was at this point that one of the Sandaime's old teammates walked in, probably in search of the Sandaime in order to drag him out for a round of drinks or some old people's game now that the Sandaime was officially retired.

"Good, you're here." Utatane Koharu said, looking directly at Fugaku rather than the Sandaime. "I came to speak to you about the possibility of returning one of your clan members to the Academy for remedial training."

"You can't" Fugaku sighed as he reached for some of the paperwork on what was now his desk since he was, much to his regret, the Hokage. "The kids burned it down last night."


End file.
